Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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