I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
