If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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