He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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