I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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