So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
