I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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