tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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