Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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