So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
