he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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