dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
