Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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