can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my sisters under your porch take her home
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
