Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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