lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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