420 ftw
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Is it because I queefed?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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