HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
