Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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