His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
