what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
