i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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