Sry I called you an 8
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
