Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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