Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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