Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
