When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
