Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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