kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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