Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
