my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
