Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
