And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
