what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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