I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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