I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
