im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
