So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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