Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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