I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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