I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
