If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
