Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
