I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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