I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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