You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
