I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
