I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Drake has all the answers
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
