I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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