the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
