so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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