my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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