I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
