What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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