even the AIR tastes like tequila.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
