But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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