I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
