they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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