You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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